The Importance of Self Acceptance

Journal 4

What I love most about my internship is how much it has made me grow as a person. It may be exhausting at times, for example, when dancing to “Shake Your Sillies Out” or the Frozen soundtrack thousands of times, but it is very rewarding. Working with children with disabilities has truly made me want to be more like them: authentic and enthusiastic.

I will never forget the bonds I have formed with these children. They are all so unique in how they express themselves, and to be honest, I fear the day that I will cease providing services for these lovely children. Although I have stressed in my previous journals the importance of truly knowing your clients’ needs and capabilities, there is another side to it. I sometimes wonder if I am becoming too emotionally involved with these children.

I will never forget the time my first ever client – a nine-year-old who I spent three days a week working with– shared information with me that almost broke my heart and made me want to commit right there on the spot to helping children with disabilities. He was an energetic and extremely smart child diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. Commonly diagnosed with ASD, he had apraxia, which is “the loss of ability to execute or carry out skilled movement and gestures, despite having the physical ability and desire to perform them.” (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) While he could not speak verbally, he did not lack the ability to spell out what he was thinking or share his vast knowledge of Harry Potter. In typical fashion, I asked him how he was feeling at the beginning of our three-hour session, prompting him to the screen on his AAC (augmentative and alternative communication) device with a list of descriptive emotion words and pictures. It is known that children with autism struggle with emotional expression, so I like to attempt to help the children recognize what they are feeling. After choosing the sad icon, I asked him to spell out why he was sad and was met with three dreadful words; “I can’t talk.” That day and every day after that, we practiced vocalizing as often as possible. I reinforced any vocalizations and prompted him to verbalize any vowels we wrote out while working. That first night, though, I went home and cried.

I realize that as I am writing this now, almost a year later, I do not have a solution to this situation. Frankly, thinking of it still makes me well up inside. While I feel terrible that I could not magically help this child speak, I realize now that it was not my responsibility, nor am I capable of such a thing, and thus, I do not need to beat myself up over it. I have learned though, that these children are real people with real feelings who need to be understood. This points out the significant demand for emotional support within the special needs community.

This leads me to a question that I believe needs to be addressed: How much emotional involvement should be allowed when providing ABA services? I realize for professional and ethical reasons that the connection should not be too strong, but I also noticed that my empathy for this particular client only made me want to help him more. These kids need someone who cares for them deeply to help them.

If providing therapy at such an intimate level is not appropriate, this points my career in a different direction. I want to start investigating service opportunities. My knowledge of ABA and experience working with special needs will surely help me to serve individuals and their families who need support and guidance through the difficulties of caring for someone with a disability.

Resources

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (n.d.). Apraxia. National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke. Retrieved March 3, 2023, from https://www.ninds.nih.gov/health-information/disorders/apraxia#:~:text=What%20is%20apraxia%3F,and%20desire%20to%20perform%20them.